YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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