It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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