1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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