can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
