I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
