was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
