Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
