one word: firstdatebathroomanal
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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