What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
