Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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