It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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