So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
