Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
