I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
