I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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