Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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