dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
