Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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