im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
