I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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