dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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