even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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