so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
