Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
