Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Farmville is her only friend.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
