Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
