Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
