dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
apparently the secret to your success is patron
she peed on how many people?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize