Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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