fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
