If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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