I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
