Cold hands, warm shart.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
