took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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