Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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