That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
