dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
