My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
