My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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