I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize