it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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