i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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