Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
