Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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