how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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