OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
