shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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