I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
