Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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