I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
