Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
