Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
