So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
